Secret Diaries

7 Things Your Domme Wishes You Understood!

Visiting a Domina can be an exciting and nerve wracking experience! Not knowing what to expect, if you will click, and a million other questions can plague your mind when it comes to working out wether or not to make the leap, and how to do it! But, if you want your Chosen Domina to look forward to seeing you and leaving the session with positive memories and that feeling of joy and fulfilment that you no doubt want your Domme to feel after playing with you, there are some top things you can do to help her have the best session of her week!

1) Cleanliness, Cleanliness, Cleanliness: 

Forget money, forget gifts, forget your unwavering submission, cleanliness is the most vital first and foremost step in visiting a Domina. It would blow your mind if realised the number of clients who show up to visit my playspace without first visiting a shower, shower first, Domina second. And yes, wash everywhere, wash your dick, your balls, your butt, the bit between your balls and your butt, if it’s a body part, wash it!

2) Clear and concise communication trumps all:

In your mind a submissive will allow the Domina to do all manner of things to you, and she will decide and implement a regime for your session that is entirely decided by her likes and wants…. But in reality, your Domina isn’t a mindreader, instead, share your fetishes and interests with your Domme of choice, let her know what you want to try clearly and concisely, and don’t expect her to be able to enact your fantasy minute by minute if your only guidance is “I’ve got no limits, and I want you to do what you enjoy”. Equally, a 6 page itemised essay with references hardly allows your Domina of choice to use her artistic expression to show you her creative skills… there’s an obvious middle ground!

3) Respect that this is a service based industry:

You are paying a professional to provide you a service, you wouldn’t expect your hairdresser to text you every day, nor would you expect your Dentist to email you dental hygiene tips every evening. Domina’s provide a service, we are well trained professionals paid by the hour to provide BDSM experiences. If you can internalise this and truly understand it you will get a lot further than you would if you view your Domina of choice as an emotional crutch or new best friend / girlfriend. 

4) It’s your Domina’s job to make you feel like the only boy in the world:

You might walk. Away from your first session with a Domme and. Feel, dang, she was so into you! There was a connection you have never experienced before and you realised that unlike every other interaction she truly “got” you. Well, great news! Enjoy this feeling, revel in the knowledge that you have found someone with whom you chan share this awesome side of your life with! BUT, remember, it’s a Domina’s job to make you feel like the only boy in the world, and to give you their full undivided attention! It’s vital to keep your feet on the ground, by all means enjoy the feeling, but don’t get ahead of yourself by planning your upcoming wedding…. 

5) Professional Domination is not the same as Domina Pornography: 

Perhaps you’ve seen me at the English Mansion sliding my big rubber dick into my submissive, chasing men around the garden in carts! 7 minutes per clip of pure non-stop unfiltered female domination! PHWOAR! It’s always good to remember fantasy is different from reality, in a real life female domination experience, things take time, and sometimes things go wrong and we laugh! There is a separation between what you see in pornography and what happens in a session! Pornography can be a great resource for sharing ideas of things you want to try and I always encourage potential subs to send me links to femdom films they enjoy! But a video never shows the preparation, the practice, the. uncomfortable bits or the farts! Real life is never as glamorous! 

6) Deposits!

A deposit, a percentage of my overall fee used to secure your time slot in my diary and demonstrate your commitment to our appointment. But! “I can’t it must be discrete!”, “What if you scam me and I lose my money?!”: If you cannot deposit into my bank account directly.. there are other ways of transferring money and credit… And regarding the risk of me running off with your £30… I have this to say, I’m a professional Domina with many years experience building up my reputation and if you genuinely think I’m about to risk my entire business reputation for your £30,  you’re probably not the kind of submissive I seek to play with because you are clearly delusional.

7) Discretion goes both ways! 

“You will be discreet won’t you Domina?!”, a question I get asked daily in communications with potential subs. Amusingly, sessions don’t begin with me walking around behind you ringing a bell declaring to the world that you are about to hire a professional Domina, but given this information, be sure to treat your Domina similarly! It’s entirely out of place to declare “Good morning Mistress” at the top of your lungs when your Domina opens the door to her play space, so remember, Discretion goes both ways! You don’t want the neighbours peering through their curtains or the press hounding your Domme out of business! Equally, if meeting in a public space before a session, don’t just hand over cash for all to see, envelopes were invented for a reason!